Help Wanted
As a “2” or more commonly referred to as “The Helper” on the Enneagram, I find tremendous value and worth in giving to others and assisting them along their journey. I relish opportunities to inspire people, to spread love in the world, and create experiences that people will remember for the rest of their lives. When I’m at my best, I see the best in others, have patience with them, and am willing to lend a hand, while knowing when precisely to let go. And when I’m not at my best, the challenges of a “2” come out through insecurity, people pleasing, and manipulation to try and manufacture acceptance and affection. It is during these times I must remind myself of a phrase that is on my Leadership Manifesto: “Do things from love, not for love.”
As someone who prides themself on helping others, it’s often very difficult for me to ask for help. I want to prove that I can do things on my own, or worse, I fear asking for help would cause me to be a burden on others. I know that this doesn’t make a lot of sense, however it’s still difficult for me to lean in and request a helping hand. I’ve found that I am not alone in this. Many other leaders I talk to, face the same struggle of having a hard time asking for help. And while often this occurs at work, it can show up in our day-to-day lives as well.
Have you ever hosted friends over to your house for dinner and they ask, “What can I bring?” The most common answer to that question is “nothing” or “just yourselves”. While as a host we are trying to be hospitable, we are actually denying them an opportunity to contribute and feel good about giving something in return. When people ask, “How can I help?” we usually believe accepting their help would cause inconvenience or burden and we respond with “I’m good”.
Recently I had a couple of good reminders that asking for help is often not a burden at all, but rather a chance to give others an opportunity to contribute. In one situation, I couldn’t make a training that I was supposed to lead and I asked Jason and Colbért from my team to run it in my place. Feeling guilty, I worried about putting one more thing on their long to-do list. Instead of being frustrated, they thanked me for the opportunity and shared how much they enjoyed it. In another situation, I realized there was someone better (and with more expertise) to do the job I had tasked myself with. I was set to lead a yoga session during our recent MIBE Retreat when I found out that one of our attendees, Liz Phelan, was an actual yoga instructor. I initially felt bad asking, believing it was my responsibility, however when I did ask, I was met with gratitude for the invitation and an enthusiastic “yes!” It ended up being the right choice, as everyone raved about the class she led.
While I will continue to focus on opening my heart and spreading love and generosity to others, I am fortunate for the lessons of the past couple weeks that remind me that it is indeed ok to ask for help. That in doing so, I give others the opportunity to contribute, I’m often left with a more positive result, and I in turn feel even better about the situation. Is there an area in your life where you could benefit from asking for help? What’s getting in the way? And how can you overcome that to lean into the wisdom, expertise, and help of others?
I wish you all a very Happy Thanksgiving with friends, family and hopefully lots of delicious food!
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