Recently I’ve been struggling with the anger, frustration, bullying and even violence that seems to ensue when people disagree. We are quick to judge opinions, actions and people who don’t see the world the way we do. We defend our point of view as if it is our identity, needing to be right, or worse, needing to prove others wrong. And when it gets to be too much, we make ourselves feel better by surrounding ourselves with people who agree with us.

I believe as leaders we have to do a better job of having conversations that hold space for disagreement. We don’t have to agree with everyone or even change our opinion. We need to be better at listening and understanding. We need to learn how to hold onto our own beliefs and at the same time allow someone else’s beliefs to be understood and their emotions validated.

A few weeks ago, the software company Basecamp announced that they will no longer allow employees to engage in political discussions on their company platform. I understand the decision, but I think it’s sad that it has come to this. That instead of encouraging dialogue, we are shutting it down. I don’t know about you, but I long for conversations with people where I can share my opinion, they can share theirs (which doesn’t align with mine) in a reasonable way and then we can have a beer afterwards and still enjoy each other’s company. It is after these conversations, I usually realize I’ve learned something important that will serve me moving forward.

In Doris Kearns Goodwin’s book, Team of Rivals: The Political Genius of Abraham Lincoln, the author details how President Abraham Lincoln assembled a cabinet that included three rivals whom he beat out for the presidency and who had vastly different viewpoints. His willingness to bring people together who would question his assumptions and be willing to debate, ultimately led to the Civil War victory and Lincoln being remembered as one of the best Presidents in U.S. history.

In our businesses, we can all take a cue from Lincoln and build teams based on their differences. And in our personal lives, it would probably behove us all to surround ourselves with those who have different backgrounds, perspectives and opinions. Once we get into those conversations and debates, hopefully we can set aside those differences in order to maintain a civil dialogue. We can learn from the relationship between George Whitfield and John Wesley. Although some give credit to Will Ferrell a la Ron Burgundy, history points to these two as being responsible for popularizing the phrase; “Agree to disagree.” In 1750, Whitefield wrote; “After all, those who will live in peace must agree to disagree in many things with their fellow-laborers, and not let little things part or disunite them.”