Stop, Collaborate and LISTEN!
One of the most underrated qualities of a great leader is their ability to listen. Leaders often get praise for their charisma when addressing large groups and their impactful communication skills, however I would argue that it is their listening ability that allows them to be so successful in those areas. Epictetus, the Greek philosopher, suggested; “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.” This can be difficult to do, though, in a world where we are constantly busy, racing to the next appointment, or trying to get back to our endless to-do lists.
If you’re like me, it can be easy to get caught up thinking about what you will say next instead of listening to what the other person is saying. So years ago, I started a journal in which I would write down one fun fact or interesting thing I learned about the people that I met with that day. It forced me to be mindful about my interactions with others and intentional about trying to get to know them. The pressure of knowing I would have to write something down later that evening was enough to help me improve my listening skills, and writing it down reinforced it for me, allowing me to remember the fun facts and use them to build on our relationship the next time I met with them.
In the spirit of making ourselves better every day, here are four tips to become a better listener:
Eye Contact - How many times have you been at a networking event and the person you are talking to keeps looking over your shoulder as if trying to find someone else to talk to? Doesn’t feel very good, does it? When you look someone in the eye while they are talking, they know you are paying attention and it helps us maintain our focus on them and not get distracted by what is going on around us.
Ask Specific Questions - General questions are boring and not memorable, when we ask specific questions, we are bound to get better responses that help us better understand the other person. Instead of asking: “How are you doing today?” Ask: “What was the best thing that happened to you today?” The follow up to this is asking clarifying questions, that help to make sure your assumptions about the circumstances are indeed correct.
Summarizing - Taking a moment to repeat what you heard after someone speaks to you can seem a little weird at first, but I’ve found that people are really grateful when they hear that you truly understood what they asked or said. Or on the flip side, they realize they didn’t communicate effectively and need to rephrase their ask.
Empathy - Patience and listening are required in order to understand how someone else is really feeling. Often we think we are being empathetic, when in reality we are trying to fix, sympathize, change the subject, or share our own story. These are surface level responses that stop us short of truly understanding what someone else is going through. Instead, taking extra time to listen and just be with someone builds more trust and camaraderie than we realize.
Listening skills are key to becoming a great leader and no matter how good we get at it, we can always improve. I hope you’ll be able to utilize the tips above (or take inspiration from Vanilla Ice) to become a better listener, and in turn improve your relationships and communication with those around you.