Remember What It's Like to Be New
I remember my first week moving into the dorms at the University of Oregon. Everything was new and unfamiliar. I was in a new state, at a new school, and experiencing a brand-new freedom of living away from home.
I didn’t know anyone, I didn’t know where to go, and I certainly didn’t know how not to pump my own gas (a quirky Oregon law at the time).
So when a fellow dorm mate and I pulled up to a gas station for the first time, he looked at me as the attendant approached the car and said, “What do we do?” He was from California, so he was just as confused as I was. I shrugged, equally clueless.
The attendant asked how he could help, and my friend blurted out, “Uhhh… fill ’er up!”
Then came the follow-up question: “Regular or premium?”
We stumbled our way through the exchange and drove off laughing, but in that moment, something small felt incredibly big.
Because when you're new, everything feels like that first gas-station encounter; awkward, uncertain, and just unfamiliar enough to make you feel like everyone else has the manual… except you.
Anthony at the UO Campus with famous Duck statue
I shared this story with my fellow University of Oregon Alumni Board members this past weekend to illustrate how important it is to help new board members feel welcome and part of the group.
Being new magnifies everything. A question you’d normally answer without thinking suddenly feels intimidating. Simple processes feel complicated. And the fear of “looking stupid” can keep people quiet even when they need help.
That discomfort isn’t a sign that someone isn’t capable, it’s simply the cost of stepping into unfamiliar territory. And the truth is, everyone from freshmen in a dorm to seasoned professionals feels this way when they join something new.
As leaders, we have tremendous influence over how long someone stays in that uncomfortable phase. A warm welcome, a small moment of encouragement, or a simple “Let me show you how we do things here” can dissolve anxiety and create belonging.
When leaders assume new team members will “figure it out,” they unintentionally create distance. But when leaders intentionally guide, invite, and include, they build connection and confidence. It’s not about having a perfect onboarding process, (although that certainly helps) it’s about being the kind of leader who notices when someone feels lost and steps in with support, not judgment.
Everyone is “new” at some point. New to a team, new to a role, new to a challenge.
And while being new can feel uncomfortable, it becomes much easier when someone chooses to walk alongside us.
As you go through your week, look for the people who might be standing at their own metaphorical gas station wondering, “What do I do?” A small gesture from you might be the moment that shifts their entire experience.
Because great cultures aren’t built by perfect systems, they’re built by people who make others feel like they belong.
This week, I had the chance to see Margaret again at the Leading Caterers of America gathering in Providence, Rhode Island. Seeing what she’s built was a powerful reminder that every great story begins with uncertainty.
You don’t need to have it all figured out, you just need the belief that you’ll get there.
So the next time you catch yourself, or someone on your team, saying “I don’t know how” or “I can’t do that,” pause and add the word “yet.” Because “yet” doesn’t just change the sentence, it could change the story.
Anthony with fellow board members on the way to the Friday night Football Game
Keep MIBE-ing!
Anthony Lambatos
Founder, MIBE Hospitality Leadership Development
Owner, Footers Catering
P.S. Join others who make people feel seen! Join us at our MIBE Summit January 25th - 27th.
