Let Go of Suffering
“I’m out this week in Mexico on the annual Footers Team Vacation. Please enjoy this guest post from our newest member of the MIBE team, Gabe Ratliff!" — Anthony
Oftentimes, people will see what others have and think how great their life or business must be. We can think that certain people have it all worked out and are more worthy of such achievements. The issue with thoughts like this is that you must suffer to feel like you’ve achieved anything. And then you silently force yourself to sit in anguish and feel like you haven’t earned it unless you struggle.
You end up not appreciating what you have achieved. It's the whole “grass is greener” concept. For example, one person might seem to have a thriving business. Another person might seem like a better leader or able to juggle more on their plate. We can look at other people and what they have, thinking their lives must be amazing. We end up missing what we can be grateful for at that moment. It's easy to compare ourselves to others saying, “Man, I wish I had this or that. I wish I could do what they're doing. I wish I had those types of clients. I wish I made that level of revenue. I wish I had that body.” And, you know what? If you did achieve those things, you would probably still be wishing for things you don't have because you think they will make you happy.
Appreciating what we have today, at this moment, keeps us grounded in gratitude and reminds us of all the amazing people and experiences we have in our lives that fill our cups. We can take these things for granted. Remember, you are alive and get to do whatever you choose at any given moment. You get to choose what you do next. You also get to choose to enjoy your unique journey. I invite you to explore the possibility that we don't have to suffer, to feel like we're worthy.
I’d like to share this powerful excerpt from Let Go Now by Karen Casey that my aunt shared with me. It speaks to detachment and how we make a choice to attach to other people’s suffering and can take it on ourselves. Simply knowing that we can choose to do it means that we can choose not to.
“Detachment, when fully expressed, promises peacefulness. To be peaceful means not letting anyone else's behavior control how we feel about them, about ourselves, about the moment, or about the situation at hand. In other words, being totally free of any external influence is the only thing that can guarantee sustainable peace. We do have that option; we seldom exercise it, however. Far more often we let the mood swings or actions of others determine our own moods and behaviors. What a refreshing idea to know that we have made that choice. It's not required! We can make another choice.
Detachment, fully expressed, may seem a bit extreme. But like the ever-so-common phrase "You can't be a little bit pregnant; you can't be a little bit detached. We are either our person or we are not. To be fully detached doesn't mean ignoring the others on our path, nor does it mean being unkind. But it does mean we make our own decisions regardless of the opinions and plans of others. Peace is the gift that's realized when we decide who we will be and then be it. Isn't peace what we all want? There is a guaranteed way to get it: detach. When others are in our circle, we make sure that we stay within our own choices. We do it lovingly so all will benefit.”
— Karen Casey
Be compassionate to yourself and others while being detached from their suffering. Check in with yourself and your needs and desires. We don’t have to suffer to feel worthy of them. Here’s an exercise you can try. Grab a pen and paper. Take a few deep breaths and get centered. Calm your mind. Ask yourself what you want. (For extra credit, write down what you don't want to do). Just write. Don’t edit. Don’t criticize. Write down what comes up. Give yourself the space, permission, and time to answer what that is. See what you uncover. There is no wrong answer. And remember, the answers you’ve been looking for are within. Your life does not have to be a constant struggle filled with suffering, yours or that of others around you. Take time to answer the tough questions. Choose to let go of suffering and keep taking the tiny humble steps toward the amazing life and business you are creating.
Are there any areas in your life or business where you are holding on to suffering that you are ready to let go of?