Focus on Who Shows Up

Have you ever put on an event and been disappointed by the people who didn’t show up?  I know personally there have been many times in my life when I have been frustrated about the friends that didn’t make the effort I thought they should to show up to a personal party I had planned or been upset by key team members I was counting on who didn’t attend a team event at work.  During one company event that we put on for our team a few years ago, I let it ruin my experience and was in a bad mood the entire time because a few of our key leaders didn’t attend.  I felt that they weren’t setting a good example and missed a chance to connect with the rest of our team.  After the event, my wife, April, called me out on it and shared what a distraction I was.  What I missed was that by me not showing up as my best self, I in turn ruined the experience for the people who did show up.

I’ve learned a couple things from these experiences.  The first is the importance of setting expectations.  If it’s really important to me that someone shows up to an event, then it’s my responsibility to let them know that.  I can’t assume that what I perceive as important and what they view as important is the same unless we’ve had a conversation about it.  I never wanted to make something “mandatory” because I wanted people to want to attend.  But how can I expect them to want to attend if they don’t understand why they should attend.  This has helped our team immensely as we put on a wide variety of events that can at times be overwhelming for our leaders and their calendars.  We now make it a priority to talk with them about the extra curricular events we are hosting, why it’s important for them to be there and which events should they prioritize if they can’t attend everything. 

The second thing is that I try to look through a different lens when this occurs now.  Instead of focusing on the people who are missing, I focus my attention on the people actually there.  I try to appreciate and recognize the people who did make an effort to attend, cherishing the chance to bond with them.  I want to do my best to enhance their experience, not detract from it.  I’ve also found that the people who are in any given meeting, place or event are usually the people that are meant to be there.  The compilation of those people provides a unique opportunity to foster connection, learning, purpose and fun. Without intention, these opportunities are wasted and there is no way to do that if you are stuck stewing about the no-shows. 

Yes, it can be frustrating when tremendous effort goes into planning an event and certain people invited don’t even show up.  It can evoke feelings of rejection, disappointment and even anger.  Despite those emotions, it’s on us to shift how we show up and turn our focus to the positive emotions that can come from the experience created with the people who are there.  By doing this and sharing expectations in advance it’s been a great way for me to turn frustration into fulfillment.