October 2025
Conflict Resolution
“Conflict cannot survive without your participation.”
– Dr. Wayne Dyer
OVERVIEW
Conflict isn’t the problem. Avoiding it is. Great teams embrace conflict as a path to clarity, creativity, and connection.
Four Words Exercise
INSTRUCTIONS
This activity focuses on how different people handle and resolve various issues. The idea is to encourage communication despite having different opinions. To play this game, have each team member take a pen and pad or piece of paper. Ask them to write down four words that spring to their minds when they hear the word “conflict,” such as “anger,” “miscommunication,” “misunderstanding,” “upset,” “frustration,” “tension,” etc.
Once everyone is finished, have them pair up and review the eight words between them. They must decide which four of the eight are best associated with conflict, which can involve using negotiating skills (appx 5-10 min). After the exercise, ask questions such as:
Was there conflict during the “negotiations”?
How did you approach any conflicting opinions?
INTRODUCE THE THOMAS-KILMANN CONFLICT MODEL
The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI) is a widely recognized framework designed to measure an individual's response to conflict situations.
Developed by psychologists Kenneth Thomas and Ralph Kilmann in the early 1970s, the model identifies five primary ‘modes’ of dealing with conflict, distinguished by two dimensions:
Assertiveness (the extent to which an individual attempts to satisfy their own concerns), and…
Cooperativeness (the extent to which an individual attempts to satisfy the concerns of the other person).
The Five Conflict Modes
Competing
High Assertiveness
Low Cooperativeness
This mode involves pursuing one's own concerns at the other person's expense, using whatever power seems appropriate to win one's own position — standing up for one's rights, defending a position which one believes is correct, or simply trying to win.
Fundamental to this approach is the belief that one’s own side has the 'more important’ view and must take precedence, combined with the perception that what the ‘other side wants’ is mutually exclusive.
This could be effective in situations where quick, decisive action is needed, such as in emergencies, or where unpopular actions need implementing, such as cost-cutting or enforcing unpopular rules.
Collaborating
High Assertiveness
High Cooperativeness
This mode involves working with the other party to find a solution that fully satisfies the concerns of both. It entails digging into an issue to identify the underlying concerns of the two individuals and to find an alternative that meets both sets of concerns.
This constructive approach valuable when the quality and acceptance of the solution are critical, encouraging creative problem solving and integration of multiple viewpoints. It can also generate solutions that are more durable in the long term.
Compromising
Moderate Assertiveness
Moderate Cooperativeness
This mode is intermediate in both assertiveness and cooperativeness. The objective is to negotiate some expedient, mutually acceptable solution that partially satisfies both parties.
Compromising may be useful when the goals are moderately important, but not worth the effort or potential disruption of more assertive approaches. It can provide a quick, middle-ground solution – something acceptable (if imperfect) to both sides that feels roughly ‘fair.’
Avoiding
Low Assertiveness
Low Cooperativeness
This mode involves ignoring the conflict altogether – or postponing the issue to be dealt with by others or at a later time.
People might choose this mode when the issue is trivial, when there's no chance of winning, or when the potential damage of confronting a conflict outweighs the benefits of its resolution. Sometimes it’s less of a conscious choice and more of an automatic response for a party that lacks the confidence to use a more assertive Competing style.
Accommodating
Low Assertiveness
High Cooperativeness
This mode involves neglecting one's own concerns to satisfy the concerns of the other person; there is an element of self-sacrifice in this mode.
This could be used when maintaining harmony and avoiding disruption are more important than winning, or if one realizes the other side actually deserves to prevail.
Conflict Resolution Style Self-Assessment
INSTRUCTIONS:
Print enough worksheets for each member of the team and distribute (after introducing the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Model). Appx 5 minutes to complete.
RECOMMENDED FOLLOW-UP
Ask for a couple volunteers to share the scenario of a recent conflict and ask the following:
What Conflict Mode did you utilize?
How did it help or hinder you?
WRAP-UP
Use the following questions to close the meeting. Make sure everyone contributes at least once!
What style of conflict resolution from the Thomas Kilmann model did/do you observe from yourself (or your partner from the first exercise)?
Did anything surprise you from these exercises?
How will you integrate this concept into your next conflict?