I have a line on my Leadership Manifesto that reads, “Do Things From Love, Not For Love.” As a people pleaser and a “Helper” on the Enneagram Assessment, I genuinely enjoy lending a hand to other people. While this is generally a positive characteristic trait of mine, it can cause internal issues when my intentions aren’t rooted in the right place.

‘To Feel Loved’ and a ‘Sense of Belonging’ are just above ‘Safety’ on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. It is a critical component to being human and when those needs are not met it can result in loneliness, a lack of confidence and even mental illness. As leaders, we must be aware of this need in both ourselves and those around us. That awareness allows us to analyze how we show up and enables us to lead in more powerful ways.

The challenge though, is that too many times we try to do things seeking approval from others or to win their love. This attempt to manufacture love and belonging, might work here or there, but it is not sustainable or fulfilling. Because at the end of the day the subconscious knows that the emptiness we feel after those failed attempts, is tied back to how we feel about ourselves, and not necessarily how others respond to us. Francois La Rochefoucauld said; “When we cannot find contentment in ourselves, it’s useless to seek it elsewhere.”

When we do things from a genuine place of love that we have in our hearts, it does not matter how it is received. There is no expected action in return because that is not the reason for the action in the first place. We can be confident in expressing our appreciation or our desire to help others, simply because we are proud of who we are and our motives. Only when we have love and respect for ourselves, can we genuinely give, and in turn receive, love from others.

This week I was inspired by Kari Dismuke, my friend and co-worker for the past twelve years. As she turned the page to the next chapter in her life, she took time to put together the most thoughtful and personal gifts for our team and it was clear that it truly came from the heart. I challenged our team to explore the intentions behind their acts for others and I encourage you to do the same. To examine whether you are expecting something in return, or purely doing it from your heart because you want to. To make sure you are doing it from love and not for love.

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” - Rumi