Last week I had the opportunity to host a virtual etiquette dinner for a group of students from the University of Denver. I remember making a number of faux pas during business dinners shortly after I graduated from college, and I’ve witnessed countless etiquette mistakes made over meals since then at both events we’ve had the opportunity to cater, and those that I’ve attended. So I was honored to share my experiences with these young men and women who are about to go into the workforce. Meals are a strategic way to get to know someone. They can be used to interview a potential candidate, get deals done with a customer, celebrate an accomplishment, or evaluate someone for a potential promotion. Much more important than just what fork to use, our behavior before, during and after a meal says a lot about our character, professionalism and social awareness. Given the opportunity in many of these situations, there can be a lot on the line.

After covering a variety of topics like what to wear (overdressed is better than under), what to order (skip the ribs and other hard to eat foods), and which side of the setting your glass is on so you avoid drinking out of your neighbor’s (it’s on the right), one of the students was brave enough to ask what to do if your asked a question, or there is topic brought up that you are not comfortable discussing. I had to think for a moment about what those potential topics could be. My initial reaction was to suggest for them to change the topic, deflect with humor, or politely be honest and say “I’m sorry, I’m not comfortable answering that.” But as I started to answer, I realized this was a great opportunity to encourage the students to stay true to their values.

I shared with the students, that beyond questions that you don’t know the answer or responding to a topic you don’t know a lot about, there are truly difficult situations that can come up during business meals that cause significant discomfort. I’m talking about unwanted romantic passes, conversations that cross the lines of discrimination, or making light of something that is personal. For young professionals, these situations can result in them compromising their values in order to get hired, preserve their job, or win a big client. I posed the question to the students: “If an organization puts you in a situation where you are expected to compromise your values, is that an organization you want to be part of?” I challenged them to stay professional during those situations, to stay true to their values and not give in to the pressure.

While this was a good lesson for the students, I think its a good reminder for all of us. It’s easy to live into your values when there is nothing on the line, it’s a lot harder when you stand to lose something you care about.