This week’s message is about building resilience and inspired by the book I’m currently listening to, Option B, by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant.  Failure, setbacks and tragedy are all part of life.  They will inevitably happen to all of us at some point and inside each of these difficult events is an opportunity to build resilience, gain wisdom and practice forgiveness of self and others.  

In the book, Sheryl details the grieving process of unexpectedly losing her husband and points to positive psychologist, Dr. Martin Seligman’s, “Three Ps” as key to her healing.  The lessons of Personalization, Pervasiveness and Permanence had a tremendous impact on Sheryl during an extremely difficult time and a tragedy that I could never imagine going through.  At the same time, those lessons also apply to a wide range of events including minor setbacks that can happen to us every day.  The “Three Ps” are:

Personalization - the belief that we are at fault.  It’s important to remember that not everything that happens to us, happens because of us.  When negative things happen there is a tendency to let it define us.  Instead of making a mistake, or failing at something, we label ourselves as a “failure” or an “idiot”.  Successful people take responsibility for the situation, they don't sit and blame themselves.

Pervasiveness - the belief that an event will affect all areas of our life, instead of only applying to the area in which it happened.  Simply because you experience a failure at work, does not mean you are also failing in your personal life.  When you feel that all areas of your life are impacted, it makes it very difficult to carry on.  We must remember that one setback cannot define a standard for all other areas of our life.

Permanence - the belief that the aftershocks of the event will last forever.  When we understand that setbacks are temporary, we improve our ability to accept and adapt for the future.  We can’t let one failure or situation define our life.  There are countless examples of people who have experienced failure, hardship and trauma at some point in their life and gone on after to be wildly successful.  

We can practice the “Three P’s” by taking a situation and asking ourselves:  How can this experience be impersonal?  How is it specific? and How is it not going to be permanent?  Doing this when we are faced with adversity allows us to build resilience and help us through those difficult situations.  It also sets a positive example for those around us and ultimately makes us better leaders.

*Each week I share a leadership message with our team and we are honored to share it with you via MIBE Tribe.  MIBE (the acronym for Make It Better Everyday) Tribe delivers education on heart leadership and intentional culture building for the hospitality industry.